Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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