I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
