gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
God, I missed his penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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