so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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