she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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