I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
