Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
