u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
