i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i've created a new STD.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
