I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
