I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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