It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
