Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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