At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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