I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
