No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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