I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
