Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
