dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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