My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize