why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
