were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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