I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
