Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Green mimosas i think yes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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