i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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