we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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