everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
