Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
