Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
