Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
