Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
