i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
