Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
