Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
