I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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