i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
