Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
