First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
