My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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