i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
