you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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