At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
