Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
