I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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