yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
