one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
