I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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