Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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