How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
