I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
