i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
