This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
