My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need to calm my uterus...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
