Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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