I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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