you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
