How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
