"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
