she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize