I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
