YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
