that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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