just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
