If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize