i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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