I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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