I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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